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Fri, 28 Jun 2024 15:51:09 GMT

Some jokes not used in this weeks Breaking the News #BTNRejects

The betting scandal has had two Conservative candidates suspended, and the Gambling Commision investigating up to 15 party members. An official called the situation at Conservative HQ chaotic saying “everything is all a flutter”

Sir Keir Starmer said Taylor Swift was "absolutely fantastic" after attending her Wembley Stadium concert. Keir posted a picture of his family at the gig, where he was watching from the ‘Dad stop you’re embarrassing me’ section.

The Circular Economy bill will ban the disposal of unsold goods, preventing products which have not been bought being sent to landfill. So a great deal out there if you looking to buy 12,000 tea towels embroidered “Scotland ‘24 - European champions!”

In a speech about the bill, a spokesman emphasised the ideas of reuse and recycling starting out “Four score and seven years ago…”

China has become the first country to gather rock samples from the far side of the moon which may result in new scientific discoveries. It's thought the less-explored side of the moon may contain traces of ice, hydrogen or even fossils of The Clangers.

China plans to send a manned mission to the moon as soon as 2030, while the US is hoping to return men to the moon by 2026. The UK meanwhile says that it hopes that by 2040, we might be able to ferry men to Brodick.

An endurance runner has set a new record by climbing Ben Nevis seven times in just over 20 hours. Mallaig fish farm worker Pawel Cymbalista described the multi-summiting challenge as ‘really having its ups and downs’.

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 11:01:38 GMT

Republican Steve Scalise has dropped out of race for US Speaker of the House, refusing to name who he'll now support, saying "it's got to be people that aren't doing it for themselves and their own personal interest". So not a House Republican then?

Scalise described ~~himself~~ as "like David Duke without the baggage". Duke is an American politician, white supremacist, antisemitic conspiracy theorist, and former grand wizard of the KKK. 😮 That's not baggage, that's a bloody cargo ship.

If other boats saw David Duke entering the Suez Canal, they'd be like "yeah, we'll go round. Go round the long way, this dudes going to get stuck"

"David Duke without the baggage"? That's just an empty hood.

The ADL describe Duke as "perhaps America's most well-known racist and anti-Semite". Presumably by "without the baggage" Scalise means he's just not well-known?

Anyway Scalise is now dropping out. Which isn't great as the new choice is the ~~more~~ hard-right Republican Jim Jordon, a man most famous for seeing, hearing, and testifying nothing about the "rampant sexual abuse" in Ohio State wrestling while he was their assistant coach...

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 11:01:06 GMT

If other boats saw David Duke entering the Suez Canal, they'd be like "yeah, we'll go round. Go round the long way, this dudes going to get stuck"

"David Duke without the baggage"? That's just an empty hood.

The ADL describe Duke as "perhaps America's most well-known racist and anti-Semite". Presumably by "without the baggage" Scalise means he's just not well-known?

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 11:00:42 GMT

If other boats saw David Duke entering the Suez Canal, they'd be like "yeah, we'll go round. Go round the long way, this dudes going to get stuck"

"David Duke without the baggage"? That's just an empty hood.

The ADL describe Duke as "perhaps America's most well-known racist and anti-Semite". Presumably by "without the baggage" Scalise means he's just not well-known?