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Mon, 28 Oct 2024 19:07:52 GMT

Too insane in my head, gotta be careful today. Psyche appointment tomorrow. I'm lining up my ideas, gonna make some note. It's tricky because a lot of it feels normal to me. But only knowing the world through a series of functional metaphors isn't normal. Running all scientific ideas about my mental health through the lens of a religion I don't actually believe isn't normal. Constantly enforcing reality on myself isn't normal. Making facial expressions because an idea I had became a micro-reality I slipped into for a moment isn't normal.

Some of it is more obviously not okay. Constantly feeling a presence in empty rooms isn't normal. Regularly hearing sound and seeing light anomalies isn't normal. Hearing music in my head as loud as real voices isn't normal. Constant confidence that something terrible has already happened or is fully arranged to happen isn't normal. Spending hours trying to explain away spontaneous fear and guilt isn't normal. My incredibly soft boundary between reality and dream and story isn't normal. My inability to escape fictions isn't normal.

It sounds so bad all listed out like this omfg xfd

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 08:49:43 GMT

Saying a demon's name is crucial to most exorcisms, but a demon existing within you only has a name that exists within you. When a priest reads names from old books until a person with a demon problem identifies the demon by one of those names, they are providing an opportunity to identify the demon as outside of and inherently separate from the haunted. The priest and their client assign a name to the demon that doesn't resemble anything in the haunted, but the fact is usually just the opposite. Demons generally resemble or reflect some aspect or aspects of their hosts. They take root in familiar ground. I belive in defining and naming a demon based on its relationship to the personal traits to which the demon is attracted and attached. This begins the process of permanently increasing your resilience to demons by working on the psychic wound you'll find where they were. This is literally how I think about my mental health and truama recovery because Christian occultism left me with a permanent god shaped hole inside me. It does work though! Absolutely it does!

Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:23:42 GMT

Come home to some drama in my internets, but vegetable girl's just feelin good about her crush. We're so weird and sweet together. Supposed to see her Monday. I hope we can talk about or advance our relationship. She's never really been ethically nonmonogamous, but she has been in situations where both parties knew there was no monogamy. And I do feel like our relationship has deepened and intensified since we talked about my polyamory and she started to understand my relationship status. I'm not sure about her current partner, but I feel like her behavior is promising. We are frankly flirting too much at work at times. If we were formally romantic, we'd have to cool it for professionalism xfd, but I think we could do that. I could chill at work if I wasn't yearning like a motherfucker. And she's not sure she wants to stay at the dispensary. It's complicated. What I know is that we love each other. What I don't know is what that means for me. But I have a good feeling, and Monday can't come fast enough <3